I've been thinking about this topic for a while now.Which is the stronger factor in life and in society and which is it for you as a person? Assuming we exclude other factors leaving only love and good genes,I would say if we took a statistics of African marriages a lot of them would have been for the reason of good genes and less about love, at least so it was in the old days. In this new age,surprisingly, I still believe good genes would win over real love. Maybe it’s an African thing that most African parents don’t consider love as a factor for marriage. It’s widespread believe that the future is most important,the life your children will have and yours as a matter of fact. Aside from money, good jobs, reputation and other things on the marriage list I think good genes have a special place as criteria in most African marriages.
When I say good genes I'm referring to great physical attributes as well as good health history (even extended family) with no regard to emotional health or well-being.
Love on the other hand cannot necessarily be defined objectively,its a subjective issue.Everyone has a definition for what love is and should be.I once read an article on bellanaija.com on what love shouldn’t be (you should check it out http://www.bellanaija.com/2010/09/08/the-5-things-love-is-not/) and I was really impressed by the topics that were focused on. When you think about what was written you may find that even though you do love this person,your love is incomplete because you’re guilty of one of the things that love shouldn't be. So I wonder,how does one qualify love?
I asked a few people which they found more important,love or good genes. Funny enough the ladies said good genes and the guys said love. You would usually expect the opposite answers. So I thought a little more about the topic and why those ladies would go with good genes over love. I realized that the ladies have to make the tough decision about where their children’s futures would lie. We have to be the ones looking out for good genes. Bagging love along with good genes is great victory. We have to watch out for our future families,the work load immensely falls on our shoulders. It's also possible that the guys answered love because it seemed like the more appropriate answer. (i don't know,lol)
Now here’s why I believe some women cheat. After having to make that tough decision about your future and your children’s,life is more or less what you hoped it would be in relation to this future you were seeking. Your relationship with your children is great and your relationship with your husband as well. You probably have almost all the things on that list (we all have those lists) and you believe that you are happy. One cheerful day you meet this amazing guy who seems to understand you effortlessly and everything about him seems to draw you in. You eventually find that you make up silly excuses just to be able to see him because every time you do, there’s just that overwhelming feeling you get that you just can’t ignore. You eventually find yourself in a compromising situation….cheating. It’s not because your unhappy in your marriage or because things are not working out well for you,it’s because of those feelings you have when you're around him. Deep down you know that the life you envisioned as a bright future is one that won’t come out of these feelings and yes,it takes a really strong woman to walk away from these feelings. I don’t mean to justify women cheating,it’s wrong, but how do you walk away from real passionate love? something you eventually realize you were missing out of from the beginning of your marriage. This is a hypothetical situation and is not necessarily realistic.
So Ladies and Gents ,let’s think again excluding other factors, Love or Good genes?
Hmm...where to start? Honestly, I think your argument is flawed. Granted its based on asking a few peoples perspectives on the matter, but I think it might be well biased.
ReplyDeleteAs a guy, what do I find most important? If those were the only two choices, definitely Love. But one thing is missing in that answer; being that she probably (more like definitely) has to have good genes for me to fall in love with her in the first place.
In the case of women, I must say, they are more complex. For instance, a woman would marry a more intelligent (nerdy), socially awkward, unpresentable man (of course she'll brush him up first) over a handsome, charming, mumuish, agberoo because he has no future. So yes, I disagree with you that women pay attention to genes. With the men, because they are the breadwiners, and not really looking to the women for support in the houshold (when it comes to money issues) that for them is not a show stopper, so they can go for a beautiful dolo (mumu)...as long as she loves them. I told you earlier(via BBM, cos we are cool like that), this is too simplified a case when you take money out of the reasoning.
Well so back to what girls look at. It better not be genes, cos all marriages will fail in Africa. Afterall, almost all the men grow to develop pot bellies after marriage (move from bachelor life to a home where you have someone cooking for you, breakfast, lunch and dinner and you will understand).So at that point, what is she looking at. For me, it is most logical to think that they pay attention to genes too because they need that in order to fall in love with the man.
So you see, we might just be alike afterall; boys and girls that is. Just that the girls are the more complicated bunch. Haha.
Ok bushangos, that's just my first take on it. Who knows, if I read it again, I might have a different view.