I want it all and i want it now!

Life deals us a lot of cards as our lifetimes pass and we notice that most are unfavourable.Its like having the king ,queen ,judge and a 10  in a card game where the highest number loses.Most of these times really suck because they are usually unexpected; its like:-finally! I got the bag I've saved so long for and then I find out there's a new policy that requires a higher fee for a service that is inevitable. I know they say "you can't have it all" but when I am in a tight corner, I ask myself "Can I not have at least an average amount?why so little?"after that, I wonder why out of 100 I can't have 99. I mean, it's not all it's just most; that doesn't defy the law does it?
         As we advance in life, our definition of having enough is ever so often changing. As a kid, I wanted the other girl's dress or her shoes,perhaps even her ribbon or toy.Sometimes, I went as far as to want her parents and her hair.As a young teenager, I wanted another secondary school,someone else's intelligence to top my class,the beauty,complexion,skin,composure and figure of another .Growing older,I still wanted some of the things I wanted before but you could add the boyfriend,wealth,wardrobe,cars and freedom of another.
        At the onset, it seemed okay and normal for me to always want something different from what I already had;at least to me it did.Growing older I realised that my desires were spiraling out of control.Filled with discontent, I lived each day counting the things I didn't have and damn!did it have an effect on everything around me.I had continuous and constant progressions to higher heights of depression.Every time somebody walked by with something I wanted, I instantly slumped into deep depression counting all the things I didn't have.People in my life noticed my habit of wanting to be anything and everything but myself and usually passed remarks that got me thinking after they reoccurred.Pondering on the matter, I noticed that I had spent more years complaining about who I was,what i had and how i looked than counting my blessings.
1)I don't have an ugly face
2)I have clothes to cover my nakedness
3)I don't suck when it comes to makeup
4)I am surrounded by people who are real and who love me
5)I'm not a dumb skull.
etc
         Those are only a few of the blessings I have but never appreciated. I spent time craving a jet-set lifestyle that I didn't appreciate the fun I was having in my life while it passed me by.The smallest things in life matter the most.My discontentment had to halt for me to see the good things I had in my life already the were worth being grateful for. Now,the things I want are not too far fetched as now I can spend my time accepting the things I can't change and working towards the things I can achieve.Envy and depression won't get you that which you are envious for but will only steal the time to get what you desire.

Astral Dreams

Today so far has been one of those days where my mind behaves like it's separate from my body.I'm sure my face would still have all my expressions but I'm not sure people looking can interpret what I'm thinking. I awoke from this highly strange dream. It was like walking through my own mind and realising what my subconscious thinks. One of the many things I realized is that there are certain places I have tagged to certain people. Revisiting those places in my dreams automatically brings those people to life in those dreams. My thoughts may not be in relation to those people, but somehow their faces and personalities are projected into the dream. Funny thing is most of these people I have left behind in my past. Some of them I still carry along but they are now not what they were to me back then. When I revisit a familiar place in my dreams,for example high school, the dream may simply be about a problem I have in reality,in one way or another, the people in high school who were my friends and those who weren't still seem to play the same roles, even though in reality we may not be friends anymore. This time this dream was a little different. I stepped into my former classroom wearing the same high school uniform and in my mind I expected the people in the classroom to behave a certain way,the usual way it was. One particular person did not conform to my expectations. At first I wasn't sure what was going on. After a few minutes I realized that we don't relate the same way as we used to in high school, so why should this person behave as I expected. My mind brought in the present to that familiar place in the past and applied it. For those few minutes of confusion,I felt like an astral projection of myself watching the past and present merged into one. It was weird. I wasn't sure how to relate to that particular person because I had never met with this alternate reality before and especially not in high school.
Anyway,when I woke up, I started wondering how I would be projected in other people's dreams. Only very few people got to know me intricately and sincerely I have come to understand that doing that is a very difficult thing. So I wonder if anyone has experienced this sort of thing and one with me in it :D. It was like my mind was "editing" or "updating" the present into the past. I find it very fascinating ,a little bizarre at first but fascinating :).  I also wonder what would happen if we were all somehow thrown back into the same old classroom for something close to being a teaching session. I'm almost certain that without realising it we would all take those same roles again. It would take a matured, observing mind to consciously break free from assuming the same roles automatically. It's interesting how strong the mind is and how very little things affect the mind, in turn affecting behavior. Dreams are all a projection of thoughts,experiences and visual stimuli the mind has processed, of course with some exceptions.